Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
