big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
