I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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