Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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