So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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