Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
