Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize