i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
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...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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