I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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