the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
