Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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