somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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