what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
