google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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