Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
