A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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