Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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