well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
