he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
