when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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