I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I smell stomach acid.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
