just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize