do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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