Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
