I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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