He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
