Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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