i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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