Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
These tits shall not be calmed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
