I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
