Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
