i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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