You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
