I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
