I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
