I can text with my tongue
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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