Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
