Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
