you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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