So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
