I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
