Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
