We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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