guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
