my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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