I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
