Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
