Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
