I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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