I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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