I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
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Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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