apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
