you guys were way drunker than both of me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
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We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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