Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
