And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
