I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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