I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
