WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
