woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
