This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
