I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
