Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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