My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
