That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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