Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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